Things That Make Me Go Hmmm...

I don't know if it's endorphins, Feng shui or just plain excitement brought about by my new "project" but I have been feeling rather good lately. I must say there have really been things that made me go "hmmm, hmmm, yeah" -- the thing is, I don't know which one is it.

Instant Thin-Crust Pizza and Leche Flan

I had an enormous craving for pizza this afternoon. It was a pizza craving that was really hard to ignore (I think I might have been an Italian in a past life) that I immediately opened my netbook to search for the delivery numbers of pizza places.

Wow, P600 for a family-sized, stuffed crust meatlovers pizza???

I went on to look at the menus of other pizza places. I was willing to go for a thin crust pizza as long as it had all the toppings I wanted on it... and as long as it is paired with meatballs spaghetti and a glass of Sola rootbeer. OMG... P700++???

Back when I was working, P600 or P700 would not be an amount I would back off on -- in the name of pasta and pizza.

But I have set a new goal for myself -- I want to beef up our savings account. Since I don't have regular income (because sometimes my writing projects are far and in between) I need to think of creative ways to cut back on our expenses, hence have more money for savings.

Besides, if you know how little it costs to buy ingredients from the grocery and cook at home, you will definitely feel guilty throwing "that much" money on food delivery. Why, P700 could well be my budget for two days worth of meals -- brunch, dinner and my husband's "baon".

Still I wanted my pizza... All of the sudden I got a lightbulb moment -- I have bacon, tortillas and quickmelt cheese in my fridge! Things that would not cost me even half of P700.

In my pseudo-pantry (because it is really more of a spare cabinet than a kitchen pantry) I had button mushrooms, tomato sauce and dried oregano. VOILA, instant thin crust pizza!

The tortillas were actually intended for beef-tapa Shawarma and the bacon was supposed to be for my son's favorite carbonara. I'm never without tomato sauce, cheese and button mushrooms because I could either use it for a simple pasta dish or a quick omelette. So there.

I was so pleased with my instant thin-crust pizza that I was inspired to look for something I can make out of the other things I have in either my fridge or pantry. I thought of making leche flan!

I just bought a tray of eggs and again I am never without condensed and evaporated milk. Naturally, I had brown sugar for the caramel, so I am really all set to make leche flan.

My "instant" flan must have really tasted so good that my son ate half a llanera in a hearbeat. Hala sugar rush!Hehehe.

Note to self... buy spaghetti noodles for my pasta craving next time.

Actually, I could have settled for elbow macaroni or penne because I do have those in stock, but I got so full eating my homemade thin crust pizza that I forgot about the pasta that was supposed to go well with that pizza. :-)

When All You Feel is Indifference

I once read, “When the romance ends, real love begins”, but for me and my married life it is more, “When the romance ends, life-long suffering begins.”

There was a time when I found my husband’s snoring an endearing quirk, or how he is always the first one to dig in and get the meatiest part of the fish all for himself. Fast forward to five years and I am no longer finding his loud snoring endearing, and the one about the fish isn’t even gentlemanly of him.

I used to just want to do everything to “please” him – and I would wear a pout all day long if he did not complement me on my cooking or on how I arranged the living room.

Again, five years have passed and all I feel now is indifference – maybe even hatred.

I hate being treated as if I’m a paid house-help. I hate having to do everything in the house while he gets a chance to play basketball when he wants (or when his aging knees allow him to) or that he gets to cradle his PSP all of his waking hours as I tidy up and wash the dishes after we have eaten.

I hate that I have to be responsible for even the littlest things because even after five years he still does not know where any important document is kept and filed. I hate that I have to keep track of everything simply because he is either too preoccupied with something else or is too lazy to even care when bills are due or if they are getting paid at all.

The truth is I have more than once prayed to God that I no longer wake up once I go to sleep -- but knowing how “irresponsible” my husband is I am actually scared to die and leave our son to be raised by him -- or heaven forbid, by his family.

I no longer care what he thinks about my cooking or if he likes the way I have once again re-arranged all the living room furniture. Actually, he should be thankful if I even cooked at all... then washed the pots and pans, bowls, knives, chopping board and all other utensils that I used to cook him a meal.

I no longer see him the way I saw him before, and most likely he would say he feels the same way about me. Well, I couldn’t care less! I used to think my whole life will change for the better once we became a family, and boy, was I wrong.

He did not turn out to be the person I thought he was and I’m pretty sure he would say the same about me. Tough luck!

What he throws at me I will just throw back at him, so to speak. He is not the most caring and sensitive husband in the world, so he does not deserve a caring and sensitive wife as well. If only I could do a Kris Aquino, I would have declared “it’s over” years ago.